On Monday this week, I took advantage of having two crumbsnatchers recovering from the flu. Fevers were gone, but we had to stay in to get over the coughs and sniffles. So what better time to do a potty training boot camp for the Happy Tornado! She had been slightly interested over the weekend, not afraid of sitting on the toilet anymore, enjoying the freedom of pull-ups (yeah, right, more like freedom to strip whenever she wants) motivated by promises of chocolates brought to us by a friend. So today was the day!
I should have known it wasn’t a providential potty day when the Queen Bee, who at almost seven, is finally in underwear overnight, wet her bed last night.
Armed with my little wet-vac, a few towels, and plenty of “SLOCOLATE,” aka Hershey’s kisses, we settled in for a day without pants. The Tornado started the day running around with nothing on but a tutu, but after one mess on the carpet, pull-ups were added to the ensemble. Every twenty minutes, I put her on the pot, but it must have been made of Teflon, since she didn’t seem to stick.
At about 10 a.m., I discovered the HT in the pooping stance. That is where she stands alone in a room, on her toes, all rigid, and screaming, “Go away!” to anyone who comes in the room. I ignored her screams, scooped her up, and sat her on the toilet. She wanted nothing to do with it. But I told her she was going to sit there until the poop or pee came out of her. I was in for the long haul.
At one point she tried to make a break for it. But I stood at the bathroom door, blocking her way to freedom, and carpeted flooring… She ran right. I blocked right. She dodged left, and I counter-blocked. And then I wrapped her in a gentle hug and said, “NO. You can do this.” And that was when she jumped up, ramming the top of her head into my chin, causing my front tooth to jam into my bottom lip, while a guttural howl of pain escaped my throat and blood poured from my lip.
And then, a miracle. The Happy Tornado turned around and sat on the toilet. For an hour and a half. “I hurt your lip, mommy?” “Yes, my lip hurts.” “Oh.”
In the meantime, the Queen Bee brought me a washcloth filled with chipped ice, and taped closed. (My kids will find any excuse to play with my scotch tape dispenser… And I love her for it.) I sat on the side of the bathtub nursing my battle scars, while the Tornado watched a video on the iPad, and read “It’s Potty Time” and “Once Upon a Potty.”
And after 90 minutes, it happened. She peed. In the toilet! We jumped up and danced and leapt for joy! We flushed, we hugged, we ate “slocolate.” And I brought out the coveted big-girl underwear. We talked about how wonderful it is to wear soft underwear, and how big girls only did their business on the potty. It was a solemn occasion. And the Happy Tornado put on her soft underwear, with pink and purple flowers. Then I went to help the Queen Bee with a craft.
And the Tornado went into the kitchen. Alone. And pooped in her pink and purple flowered big-girl underwear.
“I don’t want to wear underwear, mommy. I want pull-up.” At this point, I started looking for kindergartens that would take a kid who was un-potty-trained. She is only three, but it was not looking good for the future.
So we started again. I showed her where the poop should go. We flushed, we put on a pull-up, I started a load of laundry. And twenty minutes later, I put her back on the pot. And she PEED! And we ate slocolate. And then later, she said she wanted to pee, went and sat on the potty by herself, and PEED! (This one she initiated!) And we ate slocolate. After naptime, I sat her on the toilet again, and she PEED! More slocolate. We were on a roll…
And later, before dinner, she asked to sit on the potty again. So she ran into the bathroom, and pulled off her pull-up (she throws it completely off, I have no idea how we’ll use public restrooms.) She climbed up and sat on the toilet… only, her little potty seat wasn’t on there and she fell completely into the toilet. Good thing I had those towels out…
All in all, it was a good potty-training day, albeit painful. And I am happy to report:
I am completely potty trained. The Happy Tornado, not so much.
**Now it’s Thursday, and the HT is doing better. She has even pooped once on the pot. My lip is no longer swollen and numb. I still feel like I am the one who is potty trained, having to remind her all the time. But, we probably can get her trained by the time she’s in kindergarten…
Juggling Buckets 
Had to read this out loud to my husband because he wanted to know why I was laughing so hard. Love you guys!
It’s a messy world… *sigh
Way to go! With determinatin and chocolate the potty will win!
Priceless! I never laughed so hard in my life! Had to hand it over to Roger to read. Never a dull moment at your house that’s for sure!